if i’m actively trying to move past it
why the fuck is this person actively popping up in my dreams. i don’t like this shit. i don’t want to go to sleep. i’m annoyed more than anything. my dreams tell me things often and i’m having a hard time deciphering this. i’m just constantly remembering and being reminded that people will always disappoint you, even those who you least expect it from.
i rode on the outreach bus tonight. it was nice but i’m going to get my permit tomorrow and hopefully get my license by the end of the summer i can’t deal with harassment on CTA anymore. like i’m just trying to read a book why must crusty niggas stay approaching me. pops had to pick me up after the run cause i was in south shore, and he was saying that ‘your appearance matters, it dictates how men approach you’ and i don’t know how to make this any clearer but i truly give not a fuck in my soul anymore. like if that is how ur basing ur opinion of me on then it sucks to suck for you. like fuck off.
i’ve been working out/ improving my diet. i won’t lie i don’t feel comfortable thinking i’m fat. it’s a personal thing that I can’t do. i just want to be fit and healthy and not having a stomach is a part of that mentally for me. sometimes i’m good and sometimes i’m not there and it makes me feel sad. but then i’m remember that there are some people at my school that actively do not shower and get laid an that my skin is clear and even and soft and that i have been blessed with things that others have to actively work for.
i will never support the usa in the world cup and if i hear one more person talk about lupe fiasco’s crusty ass downtown i’m bopping every ankh nigga i see.
this might be the summer of white boy thrist and i wish i loved myself better but i’m lowkey plotting on the dick and i’m confused because its the first time in a while i’m done so over a white male. ugh.